A Short History of the Early Presidents

A Presidents' Day Special that doesn't involve a mattress sale!

I had originally considered titling this post “A Short History of the Early POTUSes,” but the term POTUS always makes me think of a large mammal that wallows in water, a description that only applies to William Howard Taft. Therefore, this article will use the pre-21^st Century term “President.” Except for Taft.

As part of my study of American Presidents, I am also trying to determine if George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were the last Caucasians to be named Washington or Jefferson.

Also, any article about the Presidents should include a special mention of Benjamin Franklin, who was rightfully identified by the Firesign Theatre as “the only President of the United States who was never President of the United States.”

Here are the first seven Presidents along with information, some of which is true, about each of them.

George Washington - Served from 1789-1797

Best Known For

• Being Father of His Country.

• Chopping down a cherry tree, then not covering it up. Not true, but a great story

• Standing up in a rowboat.

• Great pitching arm.

• Wooden teeth. Not true.

• Growing hemp. True.

• Sleeping in a lot of different places, possibly leading to being known as the Father of His Country.

“Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all.”

John Adams - Served from 1797-1801

Best Known For

• Arguing (but not dueling) with Alexander Hamilton.

• First President to live in the executive mansion before it was the White House. I don’t know what color it was.

• Helped draft the Declaration of Independence

• Cousin of revolutionary Samuel Adams, who is best known for having a beer named after him.

“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”

Thomas Jefferson - Served from 1801-1809

Best Known For

• Smartest President ever (despite ridiculous claims by Donald J. Trump)

• Wrote the Declaration of Independence.

• Owned slaves but felt really, really guilty about it.

• Invented the swivel chair and the lazy susan. Obviously liked spinny things.

• Bought the Louisiana Territory (512,000,000 acres) from France for about 3 cents per acre (I told you he was smart!)

“I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical.”

James Madison - Served from 1809-1817

Best Known For

• His wife, Dolly, was famous for making great ice cream.

• Being 5’4” tall.

• First President to wear long pants (obviously not very long).

“In Republics, the great danger is, that the majority may not sufficiently respect the rights of the minority.”

James Monroe - Served from 1817-1825

Best Known For

• The Monroe Doctrine (remember that?)

• Not being friendly with George Washington.

• Initially opposing the Constitution

• And yet, was known as the “‘Era of Good Feelings’ President”

• Supporting abolition while enslaving up to 250 people in his lifetime.

“It is the knowledge that all men have weaknesses and that many have vices that makes government necessary.”

John Quincy Adams - Served from 1825-1829

Best Known For

• Being the son of the second President

• Hereditary male pattern baldness

• Became President despite losing both the electoral and popular votes

• Kept a pet alligator in a bathtub at the White House

“The four most miserable years of my life were my four years in the presidency.”

Andrew Jackson - Served from 1829-1837

Best Known For

• Former prisoner of war

• Only President to pay off the national debt

• Killed a man in a duel for insulting Jackson’s wife

• His pet parrot was removed from Jackson’s funeral for swearing

“It is a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.”

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